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The Men's Centerof Raleigh and Wake County |
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The Men's Centerof Raleigh and Wake County |
October 1997
President's Message
This is my first official president’s message. I must be honest: I don’t particularly enjoy writing letters, columns or articles. Just give me a task and some room to run with it, and well, that is what I do best. So you may not hear from me very often in this forum. Even though there may not be a president’s message in every newsletter, when an issue comes up that I think is important, I’ll write about it.We have started a new year of the Leadership Council. From what I have observed so far in our meetings, the year looks promising and fruitful. I am especially excited about the task Frederick Whitmeyer has chosen. He’ll be forming committees to perform the duties that were once solely the responsibility of the Leadership Council. The committees will also plan and carry out Men’s Center events. You will be hearing more about this later from Frederick—in the newsletter and through the Elders’ Council. Basically, he’ll will be asking for some sweat—and not just from the Leadership Council but from each of us in the membership.
I don’t intend this to be a doomsday message—just a wake up call. As a matter of fact, I have high expectations for the future of the Men’s Center. However, if we, as individual members, continue to do business as usual—i.e., just sit back and wait for the Leadership Council alone to bring us the Fall Feasts, the Workshops and Retreats, the specialized support groups—all the activities that have fed our souls for over a decade—then we will be headed for trouble.
The council is made up of eight very dedicated men who have decided to give back to the Men’s Center—and men in general—some of what they have received. They are powerfully committed to carrying out the Mission of the Men’s Center. But experience—especially from this past Council year—has repeatedly proven that they can’t do this by themselves. So all they are asking is that each man among the membership recommit himself to that Mission. Are you willing to ask for what you need? Are you willing to help the other guy get his needs met?
I believe this is going to be a pivotal year for us, and encourage all of you to remember the YOU are the Men’s Center.
--Ron Blankenship
Book Review
Memories, Dreams, Reflections of C.G. Jung, Vintage Books
Since my first visit to a Men's Center event, Jung has been talked about constantly: "What myth are you living ?"; "archetypal psychology"; the anima and the animus; etc. Jung seems to have said everything, and at times I think we have attributed things to him that he hasn't said. In college and over the years since college, I have tried to understand the gist of Jung, but without much success. What I have come to find out is that there is no gist: understanding Jung is a process. In Thomas Moore's Care of the Soul, he refers to Jung's final work and autobiographical statement as a good place to start the understanding of Jung's work. Begin at the end, he suggests, and then read his work chronologically from the beginning. And so in Jung's memoirs, I found the trace of a life's path that I, too, have been on.
Jung practiced what he preached. He doesn't recount all his dreams, but he invites you into his inner realm from his earliest days on. He states, "I have neither the desire nor the capacity to stand outside myself and observe my fate in a truly objective way". He creates no illusions or makes any apologies for his life. His mother left him at a young age due to illness, and this loss in his life caused him to mistrust the word "love" ever since. And the word "father" came to mean "reliability and powerlessness." As his life progressed, he found he could trust men and be disappointed by them and mistrust women and not be disappointed. His family was in the business of religion, and God was a central theme in his upbringing. His initial self-imposed wound was realizing that since God was perfect and everyone was made in God's image, and since he was not perfect, there must be something wrong with him. He said he eventually figured out why there was a snake in the Garden of Eden, but by that time he had become shy and inward turning. Once he turned inwards, he stayed in his world of dreams and dream analysis.
Jung's early years were a torment of two struggling personalities within himself: he wanted to be a theologian, like his father, and he wanted to be an earth scientist, because he loved what he found in nature. This dualism formed the basis of much of his life's work with the concept of polarity, the numen and the daimon taking on a special place in his understanding of the cause and cure of neurosis and in his understanding of himself. He found the ever present but elusive role of the unconscious, as it manifested itself in dreams, to be of prime importance. For it was here that all his needs, wants, and desires were to be revealed in universal archetypes. He came to mistrust modernity, because of its fast pace and technological interferences. He found that he had more material things but was communicating less and losing touch with his ancestors. He states: "Inner peace and contentment depend in large measure upon whether or not the historical family which is inherent in the individual can be harmonized with the ephemeral conditions of the present." He later writes: "We no longer live on what we have, but on promises." And later still: "The less we understand of what our fathers and forefathers sought, the less we understand ourselves."
Jung enjoyed traveling--through North Africa, Navajo Land in Arizona, Kenya, Uganda, India, Rome. He traveled in his own waking dream state, self-absorbed and "living always on two planes simultaneously, one conscious, which attempted to understand and could not, and one unconscious, which wanted to express something and could not formulate it any better than by a dream." He began to see European civilization by comparing it to others. He found that people from other cultures and worlds "lacked that faint note of foolishness which clings to the European. The European is, to be sure, convinced that he is no longer what he was ages ago; but he does not know what he has since become."
Jung knew that to understand anything he would have to get on the outside of it, and he never knew which he found more enjoyable: "catching sight of new shores, or discovering new approaches to age-old knowledge that has been almost forgotten." His quest for knowledge became his Holy Grail--ironically, a myth itself. He knew that "knowledge does not enrich us; it removes us more and more from the mythic world in which we were once at home by right of birth." The knowledge he sought was an understanding of the self through enlightenment of the unconscious--a life-long process.
He enjoyed Africa because "the demons could not reach me here--there were no telegrams, no telephone calls, no letters, no visitors." In time, however, he found the primitive dangerous and began having dreams of the place he was in; his unconscious was warning him about "going back." He was losing his psychic defenses against the impressions from outside.
In Jung's travels he began finding his Karma by understanding other people's experience of God and the importance of their dreams. He concluded that his task was "to become conscious of the contents that press upward from the unconscious."
He viewed the world wars as a product of an age that had erroneously shifted its emphasis to the "here and know" from lighting "a light in the darkness of mere being." He assumed that an increase in our consciousness would affect the unconscious and bring about enlightenment.
After reading about Jung's life, I felt enlightened about it as well as about my own. (I remember chuckling at Jung's theory that UFOs are mandalas from outer space.) If you want similar enlightenment (and chuckling), I encourage you to read this rich self-portrait.
--Hilton Freed
It's About Change, It's About Relationships
I met Dale English about five years ago at Kirkridge Retreat Center in Pennsylvania. It was my first trip to the Pocono Mountains. I was attending a workshop on Men and Intimacy. Dale had discovered that improvisational dance was a form of expression that was very meaningful for him. And he shared his technique with other men during some free time at this workshop. I went to his movement session because I was curious.
At first, I found that I could not move because of the fear and the shame that I felt inside my body (my soul?). However, I did finally move a little and responded to Dale's questions: "what thoughts came to your minds?" "what feelings did you feel?" Since I had only recently begun my journey on my own spiritual path, I knew that movement was something that I wanted to do more of, even though it scared the hell out of me.
So about a year later, I convinced Dale to do weekend workshops on creative movement for men. They would include improvisational dance, contact improv, and authentic movement. Participants would do a lot of processing following each move. What Dale did that I found remarkable was to create a SAFE PLACE for us, as participants, to finally feel feelings we had so long suppressed. Each time we shared, I could feel a little more--and move a little more than I did the last time.
In Dale's workshops, we explore the connections between movement, feelings, and personal boundaries. We do a lot of improvisational and authentic movement, a lot of processing of feelings that come up, some exciting art work, some walking in the woods. We eat a lot of good healthy food and create a close-bonded community. We describe our feelings with paints, paper, clay, cloth, and objects in nature. The weekend is mostly experiential. Sometimes it is fun, sometimes it is hard. I find it a wonderful and special time for personal and spiritual growth.
Many men and women have experienced complete transformations in their lives as a result of this unique workshop. Since I started promoting it four years ago, there have been ten workshops, and I have participated in every one. Clearly, I have grown and changed much from this experience. It has taught me how to have healthy relationships with myself, my wife, and my friends. Especially my men friends.
Our next workshop will take place on October 24-26. This time, it is being sponsored by the Raleigh Men's Center and the Men's Council of the Triad. It is designed for persons who are ready for change in their lives. And it is designed to be a safe weekend for relationship building. A weekend when you can do nothing wrong.
The workshop is to be held at Glenagape Retreat Center in Oak Ridge. We start with dinner at 6:00 on Friday night, October 24, and finish about with lunch on Sunday, October 26. If you are ready for CHANGE in your life, for healthy and happy relationships, come join us.
--Frederick Whitmeyer
Leadership Council in Action
The RMC Leadership Council met in the Johnson Street offices on Thursday September 4, 1997. Attending were Don Azevedo, Ron Blankenship, Marcus Copelan, Lee Elliott, Art Kirwin, John Marmaud, Wiegan Rodler, and Frederick Whitmeyer. After a brief opening ritual in which the Lion was chosen as our totem for the coming year, Marcus Copelan agreed to write a letter to Charles Walker in appreciation of his work as Support Group Coordinator. Since only nine men had registered for the Duvall retreat, Marcus said he would place ads for the workshop in Changeworks and The News and Observer.
Concerning the newsletter, we agreed to research the monthly cost of producing it and to consider raising the $10-per-year subscription rate for non-members. All MC-sponsored events will be published in the Newsletter Calendar as well as in separate boxed "call outs" in its later pages.
We brainstormed possible programs for the coming year and came up with workshops on fathers and sons, fathers and daughters, and mentoring. Appointed to the Monthly Program Committee were Marcus Copelan, Doug Lester (from the Elders' Council), Frederick Whitmeyer, and Don Azevedo. In their first meeting they'll brainstorm program topics for the coming twelve months.
Frederick Whitmeyer volunteered to ask the Elders to recruit men for the following committees: Promotion and Public Relations, Special Events, MC Web Page, Support Groups, Phone Log, Monthly Programs.
Wiegand Rodler was given the responsibility of passing information from the various committees to the Council. The Committee Chairs were encouraged to contact Wiegand about committee plans, needs, and decisions.
We discussed a need for a committee devoted to long-range financial planning. John Marmaud agreed to chair it and to recruit members. We also discussed ways of seeking corporate assistance. Marcus Copelan claimed corporations would be more likely to give us grants if we could document specific services we perform for the community. We agreed to seek out members willing to list such services and publish them in some form.
We adjourned with a deep-breathing ritual and went out into the night.
--Art Kirwin
Men and Women Changing the Dance
You probably would not be reading this newsletter if you did not recognize the need for men's work--and women's work, for that matter. And the likelihood is that you understand the need for a way for men and women to do similar work together.
Talking together is a good way, but not the only way. Our bodies may have something to say to us, about old attempts to manipulate and control each other and about the way forward. Our bodies are bigger than our heads, but too often we behave as if the rest of the body is there only to move the head from one place to another. When we as men and women begin to pay attention to the wisdom of our bodies, when we improvise dances together, literally move together, miracles happen. Simple improvisational forms like walking, running, and stopping; or weight sharing; or following and leading--all these become vehicles for raising awareness of all the issues that can come up between men and women (and between men and men and between women and women). Both the old paradigm and the new appear side by side. We notice them, and then we have a chance to change.
Off the Deep End Ensemble invites you to create the new dance with us on October 18, beginning 7:30 PM, at White Cross Community Arts Center outside Carrboro. We'll use words and phrases provided by the audience as the basis for improvisational dance, story, and song. From time to time, willing members of the audience will be invited to improvise with us and see what happens. See you there!
October Monthly Meeting
Lewis Lipsitz, former professor of political science at UNC-Chapel Hill who currently practices as a clinical social worker, will lead us in an exploration of how our fathers' wounds may have affected us in our development as men. Based on a course Lewis taught in March for Duke Continuing Education, the topic explores a phenomenon many of us have experienced. Tonight we will seek to comprehend how our fathers' wounds may still resonate in our lives.
Nobody ever said to me
In my childhood, youth
Or early manhood,
I love you.
Nobody. Not Mama, Papa
Sister or brothers,
Not even sweetheart/wife.
And if in my middle age
Single again, a woman said
I love you,
During a fleeting, transitory time,
Could I believe her?
Who could really love me?
To go to my grave like my father
Without ever hearing from his children
I love you, Papa.
This is unbearable.
Then in my older years
A no longer young man
My flesh and blood
My own son said
I love you, Dad.
I was astonished. Who, me?
What kind of father was I
to merit those words?
He is not a person who
uses language lightly.
I had to believe him,
He, whom I adored from birth
But could never in his childhood say
I love you, son.
Now in his maturity,
I can say it so feelingly,
I love you son.
--Bernie Entman 1997
The Hafiz poem below is one of Paul Tierney's current favorites. He read it at a recent gathering, and Dave Davenport wrote a poem in response to it.
Love seems easy in a circle of friends
but it's difficult, difficult
Morning air through the window
The taste of it
With every moment, camel bells leaving the caravansary.
This is how we wake,
With wine spills on the prayer rug
And even the tavern master is loading up.
My life has gone from willfulness to
disrepute,
And I won't conceal either.
The joy that led me out toward laughter,
Mountainous ocean,
The Moon hidden behind clouds,
The terror of being drawn under.
How can someone with a light shoulder pack
walking on the beach
Know how a night sea journey is?
Hafiz, stay in the dangerous life that's
yours
There you'll meet the face that dissolves fear....
--Hafiz, version by Coleman Barks, from The Hand of Poetry: Five Mystic Poets of Persia, Omega Publications.
-------------------------
When I awoke
Rip Van Winkle
The prayer rug was soaked
in wine and dried to dust
But the circle of friends awaited
and love was there.
--Dave Davenport
Fire and Rain
For so long
Debris accumulated on the forest floor
Until the lightning struck and the forest burned
I remember driving her to the airport for the
last goodbye
A simple request ignored, or willfully disobeyed
Ignited the dormant anger fire
Now, the coals smolder and flare
And I, Smokey the Bear
For so long preaching prevention
Embrace the fire
Return to the mountain
And feel the rain
--Randall C. Dodd
I awoke, that cool damp morning
White men, with sticks pointed toward the sky
which belches foul smelling smoke polluting our beautiful sky,
parade around my home as if they possess it,
as if they are kings.
They force me and my breathren into groups,
they put shackles on our once-free hands
and march us away from our homes
our homes,
our homes.
I look back to try to catch a glimpse of the
life
I had always known.
As I reach the sandy shore, where I had once played
as a child running free in the wind with
the sun on my shoulders,
where my breathren are being placed in boats,
I look back, at the only world I had ever known
toward our home,
our home,
our home,
my home.
The dew glistened off my hut,
my hut,
my home,
that sad, sad morning in my village.
--Jimmy McKay
J
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